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Advice On How To Talk To Children About Terrorist Attacks

The terrorist events in New York and Washington, D.C., have not spared the children of the nation, said Joe M. Allbaugh, director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA). They have seen the terrible television pictures and heard the adults in their lives discussing the tragic events. Yet many adults don't know how to talk to children about the disaster, or don't know how to recognize that their children are feeling distress.

Children affected by disasters may suddenly act younger than they are or may appear stoic – not crying or expressing concern. Parents can help their children by talking to them, keeping them close and even spoiling them for a little while. We also advise that children not be overexposed to the news coverage of the terrorist events.

Talking to children about terrorism can be particularly problematic since providing them with safety guidelines to protect themselves from terrorism is difficult.

According to psychologists, questions about terrorism are teaching opportunities. Adults should answer questions about terrorism by providing understandable information and realistic reassurance. And children don't need to be overwhelmed with information, so less is better than more in terms of details.

Children may exhibit these behaviors after a disaster:

  • Change from being quiet, obedient and caring to loud, noisy and aggressive or may change from being outgoing to shy and afraid.
  • Develop nighttime fears, have nightmares or bad dreams.
  • Be afraid the event will reoccur.
  • Become easily upset, crying and whining.
  • Lose trust in adults. After all, their adults were not able to control the disaster.
  • Revert to younger behavior such as bed wetting and thumb sucking.
  • Not want parents out of their sight and refuse to go to school or childcare.
  • Have symptoms of illness, such as headaches, vomiting or fever.
  • Worry about where they and their family will live.

What to do:

  • Talk with the children about how they are feeling and listen without judgment.
  • Let the children take their time to figure things out. Don't rush them.
  • Help them learn to use words that express their feelings, such as happy, sad, angry or mad.
  • Assure children that you will be there to take care of them. Reassure them often.
  • Stay together as a family as much as possible.
  • Let them have some control, such as choosing what outfit to wear or what meal to have for dinner.
  • Encourage the children to give or send pictures they have drawn or things they have written.
  • Help children regain faith in the future by helping them develop plans for activities that will take place later - next week, next month.
  • Allow the children to grieve losses

Strange Coincidence?

The date of the attack: 9/11 - 9 + 1 + 1 = 11
September 11th is the 254th day of the year: 2 + 5 + 4 = 11
After September 11th there are 111 days left to the end of the year.
119 is the area code to Iraq/Iran. 1 + 1 + 9 = 11
Twin Towers - standing side by side, looks like the number 11
The first plane to hit the towers was Flight 11
State of New York - The 11 State added to the Union
New York City - 11 Letters
Afghanistan - 11 Letters
The Pentagon - 11 Letters
Ramzi Yousef - 11 Letters (convicted or orchestrating the attack on the WTC in 1993)
Flight 11 - 92 on board - 9 + 2 = 11
Flight 77 - 65 on board - 6 + 5 = 11

In numerology, the number 11 is associated with a higher spiritual plane. Many people involved in spiritual search feel that this terrible tragedy is challenging us all to reach toward a higher level.



Statement by the Secretary-General of the United Nations, Tuesday, September 11, 2001: Secretary-General Kofi Annan today condemned the terrorist attacks on key targets in the United States, and stressed that no just cause could be advanced by terror."There can be no doubt that these attacks are deliberate acts of terrorism, carefully planned and coordinated - and as such I condemn them utterly," the Secretary-General said in a statement issued at United Nations Headquarters in New York. Calling for terrorism to be fought "wherever it appears," the UN chief said that, in such moments, "cool and reasoned judgement" was more essential than ever. "We do not know yet who is behind these acts, or what objective they hope to achieve," he said. Expressing condolences to the victims and their families, Mr. Annan said "our first thoughts and prayers must be for them." He also expressed condolences to "the whole people and Government of the United States."



America: The Good Neighbor
Widespread coverage was given recently to a remarkable editorial broadcast from Toronto by Gordon Sinclair, a Canadian television commentator. What follows is the text of his remarks as printed in the Congressional Record (sent to us by several Rotarians):

"This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated on all the earth. Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain ands Italy were lifted out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and forgave other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the united states.

When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it. When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the united states that hurries into help. This spring, 59 American communities were flattened my tornadoes. Nobody helped. The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, warmongering Americans.

I'd like to see just one of these countries that is gloating over the erosion of the united States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC10? If so, why don't fly them. Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American planes?

Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or a woman on the moon? You talk about Japanese technology, and you get radios. You talk about German technology, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technology, and you find men on the moon-not once, but several times-and safely home again. You talk about scandals, and the Americans put theirs right in the store window for everyone to look at.

When the railways of France, Germany, and India were breaking down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them and old caboose. Both are still broke.

I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble? I don't think there was even outside help during the San Francisco earthquake.

Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them get kicked around. They will come out of this with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those." Stand proud America!



Editorial by Leonard Pitts, Jr. a columnist with the Miami Herald

It's my job to have something to say. They pay me to provide words that help make sense of that which troubles the American soul. But in this moment of airless shock when hot tears sting disbelieving eyes, the only thing I can find to say, the only words that seem to fit, must be addressed to the unknown author of this suffering. You monster. You beast. You unspeakable bastard.

What lesson did you hope to teach us by your coward's attack on our World Trade Center, our Pentagon, us? What was it you hoped we would learn? Whatever it was, please know that you failed. Did you want us to respect your cause? You just damned your cause. Did you want to make us fear? You just steeled our resolve. Did you want to tear us apart? You just brought us together. Let me tell you about my people. We are a vast and quarrelsome family, a family rent by racial, social, political and class division, but a family nonetheless. We're frivolous, yes, capable of expending tremendous emotional energy on pop cultural minutiae -- a singer's revealing dress, a ball team's misfortune, a cartoon mouse. We're wealthy, too, spoiled by the ready availability of trinkets and material goods, and maybe because of that, we walk through life with a certain sense of blithe entitlement.

We are fundamentally decent, though -- peace-loving and compassionate. We struggle to know the right thing and to do it. And we are, the overwhelming majority of us, people of faith, believers in a just and loving God. Some people -- you, perhaps -- think that any or all of this makes us weak. You're mistaken. We are not weak. Indeed, we are strong in ways that cannot be measured by arsenals. Yes, we're in pain now. We are in mourning and we are in shock. We're still grappling with the unreality of the awful thing you did, still working to make ourselves understand that this isn't a special effect from some
Hollywood blockbuster, isn't the plot development from a Tom Clancy novel. Both in terms of the awful scope of their ambition and the probable final death toll, your attacks are likely to go down as the worst acts of terrorism in the history of the United States and, probably, the history of the world. You've bloodied us as we have never been bloodied before. But there's a gulf of difference between making us bloody and making us fall. This is the lesson Japan was taught to its bitter sorrow the last time anyone hit us this hard, the last time anyone brought us such abrupt and monumental pain.

When roused, we are righteous in our outrage, terrible in our force. When provoked by this level of barbarism, we will bear any suffering, pay any cost, go to any length, in the pursuit of justice. I tell you this without fear of contradiction. I know my people, as you, I think, do not. What I know reassures me. It also causes me to tremble with dread of the future. In the days to come, there will be recrimination and accusation, fingers pointing to determine whose failure allowed this to happen and what can be done to prevent it from happening again. There will be heightened security, misguided talk of revoking basic freedoms. We'll go forward from this moment sobered, chastened, sad. But determined, too. Unimaginably determined.

You see, the steel in us is not always readily apparent. That aspect of our character is seldom understood by people who don't know us well. On this day, the family's bickering is put on hold. As Americans we will weep, as Americans we will mourn, and as Americans, we will rise in defense of all that we cherish. So I ask again: What was it you hoped to teach us? It occurs to me that maybe you just wanted us to know the depths of your hatred. If that's the case, consider the message received. And take this message in exchange: You don't know my people. You don't know what we're capable of. You don't know what you just started. But you're about to learn.



A Chronology of e-mail messages sent by your web editor -
Sept. 11th:
I'm located in Upstate Central NY (near the Utica/Rome area, 40 miles SE of Syracuse) and many of our city fireman and Red Cross workers who volunteered to help are already on their way to NYC to offer their services. Blood banks have been set up for people to donate blood to ship down. One of my daughters, a teacher, said many students were in shock, as their parents commute to NYC to work.

The City of Utica, only 9 miles from me, has one of the largest Resource Centers for Immigrants in the country. It reminds us that we must help others understand that no blame should be laid on any specific cultures that will bring harm to innocent people who were not involved in this tragedy. I'm sure our government will take the necessary steps to deal as soon as they are able to discern who was behind the terrorist attach, and I'm sure Rotary International will soon be posting a Disaster Relief notice.

As I sat here in my offices, watching the TV, and making sure my children and grandchildren around the country are safe (a son-in-law works in management in the NYC area), it occurred to me that the world as we've known it has changed forever, it will never be as it has been - terrorists have let us know that we, the most powerful country in the world, are vulnerable, and if we are vulnerable, so is every nation in the world.

Sept. 12th: As I shared with my Rotary Club today: All the more need for Rotary and for Rotarians who are passionate about World Understanding and Peace to strive together to build a world our children and grandchildren can live in, free of unneccessary fears and insecurities.

Sept. 13th: To my friends who are angry, I understand what you say and agree with some of your feelings. When they find out who perpetrated those horrible act of war, I hope they strike with swift and thorough action to wipe them out and continue to fight the enemy that terrorism is - whether they encourage them, fund them, harbor them - in any way.

"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you murder the hater; but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. To which Ghandi adds: "An eye for an eye ends up leaving the whole world blind."

Sept. 14th: In the National Prayer Service this morning, President Bush said "Underneath the WTC and debris is a foundation which is not destroyed. Our unity is a kinship of grief, and a steadfast resolve to prevail against our enemies". As we struggle to rebuild on a united, spiritual foundation, we remain vigilant, yet careful not to lay blame on cultures that may bring harm to innocent people. What has rocked our nation has brought us together.

As I watch the squirrels scampering across the yard outside my office window, seeking food so they can survive for another spring, and I watch our leaders walk, united, into the cathedral during the rain and then back out into brilliant sunshine, it gives us additional courage to move forward, choosing to not be paralyzed by fear or destructive anger, but to be motivated with positive action and the belief that good will prevail.

As our small way of helping what will be a long and tediuous rebuilding process, we created the following websites with condolence pages, and ways people from around the world can contribute to the families of the September Eleventh victims, especially those brave firefighters, police officials, and orphans who are left behind.

We have put up this website which lists all local Blood Bank times & locations, World Trade Center Survivor information, and Hotline numbers.

Post your condolences or thoughts
NYC WTC: The Attack * The Aftermath & Rebuilding
D.C. Pentagon: The Attack's Aftermath & Rebuilding
PA: The downed Airplane & Resolve * Comments


How You Can Help with WTC/Pentagon tragedy
Contribute to the familes of victims as they rebuild
Post your condolences or thoughts * View pictures

Listing of Survivors website
Hotline numbers website
MSNBC website
NY Times website
Yahoo website
Washington Post website
Rotary Support website
Helping Victims website

Support the September Eleventh Family Victims

Women leaders support page * Rotary support page


 

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Marlene B. Brown, M.S., CMC, CSP
CEO/President
MarmeL Consulting Firm
TechnoTouch E-Strategists
Earl J. Lewis, VP, CFO, CIO
P. O. Box 83, Clark Mills, NY, 13321 USA
Tel: 315-853-1318 * Email: marlene

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